2013 Cleveland Browns Preview!!!!!!!

2013 Cleveland Browns

By the end of the season, it is this piece of writing you are reading right now that will label me either a genius or a clown. I am so excited for the Cleveland Browns this year. Which is especially hysterical to me for a few reasons: 1. God hates Cleveland; 2. Last year, it was me who picked the Browns to be the worst team in all of the NFL; 3. It requires me putting trust in Brandon Weeden; 4. As I’ve learned many times from my good friend (or more like man crush) Bill Simmons, God hates Cleveland. But I don’t care. I can make just enough of a good argument to make me believe that I’m not crazy. if Florida Gulf Coast can make the Sweet 16, then the 2013 Cleveland Browns can make the playoffs. Right? No? Okay. I’m proceeding anyway.

I’ll get to the Brandon Weeden thing in a little bit. For now, I want to focus on the coaching staff. Rob Chudzinski will take over as head coach, and he has a great track record. He coached at the University of Miami (the U!), which is my favorite NCAAF team. He was the offensive coordinator of the Browns the year Derek Anderson (Derek Anderson!) went to the Pro Bowl. He was the tight ends coach in San Diego while Antonio Gates was in his prime. He was the offensive coordinator in Carolina for Cam Newton and helped mold him into a star. He has a last name that sounds like an incredible fast food cheeseburger. I’m all in on this guy. Norv Turner is their new offensive coordinator, and even though he was suspect as the lead man, he won’t be making those same key decisions anymore, and heaven knows, he can coach the hell out of an offense. Ray Horton will be the defensive coordinator, the same guy who used the 3-4 scheme in Arizona and turned the Cardinals into a top 10 defense. His personnel in Cleveland is arguably better. Phil Taylor will be the monster nose tackle in the middle, and the pass rush will be revitalized, too. Horton loves to attack, and the Browns signed Paul Kruger away from Baltimore and drafted Barkevious Mingo to do just that. Joe Haden will be the Patrick Peterson of this defense, and if you want to know how good D’Qwell Jackson can be at middle linebacker, go look up what Daryl Washington’s numbers were with the Cardinals last year under Horton. Plus, his name is D’Qwell; he’s got to be the defensive captain of the all-name team, to join Anquan Boldin (captain of the offense). Trent Richardson, if he could stay healthy (PLEASE!!!!!!), will be the “beast mode” of the AFC, with respect to Marshawn Lynch. He could total 2,000 total yards from scrimmage and rack up 15 touchdowns if everything breaks right (that’s a stretch, but as a ceiling, that isn’t inconceivable, is it?). It all comes down to the passing game, but like I said before, they have the right coaches to get it done. Josh Gordon will be suspended for two games, but when he’s back, he will be their main downfield threat; Davone Bess is a poor man’s Amendola-type slot receiver; maybe Greg Little will arrive (maybe? no again?); and some people are on the Jordan Cameron bandwagon, as, given his coaches, he could see some opportunity to put up Antonio Gates-like production (I know, he won’t be that good, but it’s the increased targets that matter). If, by some miracle, Brandon Weeden and his geezer-for-a-second-year-player-but-maybe-that-means-he-will-learn-faster self can make some sort of stride, then Cleveland will be the shocker of the NFL and finally start to win something. If he’s Brandon Weeden like we saw him last year, and any shred of credibility I hypothetically have will be gone before I have a chance to get any. That’s a big prayer, but you have to admit, is it really that much of a stretch of the imagination? Maybe this next part will convince you.

Schedule

In 2012, the Cleveland Browns finished 5-11 with crappy coaching, an inexperienced team, and bad luck, as they lost seven of those games by ten points or less. They will be much more competitive this year, and as they finished in last place in 2012, they will have a relatively easier schedule. I’m going to go game by game to show you how Cleveland can become a playoff team.

Week 1: W vs MIA

Week 2: W at BAL (they will win one of the Baltimore games no matter what)

Week 3: L at MIN (possible win)

Week 4: W vs CIN

Week 5: W vs BUF (look at that, 4-1!)

Week 6: L vs DET (another possible win)

Week 7: L at GB

Week 8: W at KC

Week 9: L vs BAL

Week 10: Bye (5-4 at the bye? very possible)

Week 11: L at CIN

Week 12: W vs PIT

Week 13: W vs JAC

Week 14: L at NE

Week 15: W vs CHI

Week 16: W at NYJ

Week 17: L at PIT

Let’s look at this again. I have the 2013 Cleveland Brown finishing 9-7. They will go 3-3 in the division, 1-3 (if not better) against the NFC North, 3-1 vs the weak AFC East, and 2-0 in their two games against fellow bottomfeeders KC and JAC. Tell me which part of that is outlandish. I’ll wait. They might make me look bad, but I am all in on this Cleveland Browns team to win at least nine games. I said in my NFL preview, there are always teams 6-10 or worse who make the jump to the postseason the following year. The Browns have new pieces, both on the field and in leadership positions; they have a manageable schedule and are under the radar; they have a workhorse to base their offense around (Richardson); and they have a fan base who will relish the opportunity to be good again, kind of like with the Golden State Warriors in the NBA last year. Look out for the Browns.

Bold Prediction: Josh Gordon will have 1,100 yards and 8 receiving TDs. More importantly, though, the Cleveland Browns will make the playoffs!!!!!!!! (I have them right now as a wild card team).